Friday, October 26, 2012

Rip Her to Shreds

I dreamed an idea for a TV show last night. It felt so good that someone popped into the dream and asked me who I was in love with to be having such good ideas. In the dream I refused to say what the idea was in case someone stole it. Really it was just a title and a feeling. It's called Rip Her to Shreds after the Blondie song. I think all that happens really is that women go on the show wearing outfits they think they look great in and invited guests do their best to make them doubt the wisdom of their choice. It might work best with American outfit-wearers and British guests. Americans are world class at projecting self-confidence, and the British are world class at putting people in their place. I'm wondering how you measure who wins. Maybe you could get a team of body language experts to scrutinise the outfit-wearers for signs of insecurity. Or maybe you could have some kind of sensor measuring stress levels. It would need a skillful moderator to police the border between criticism and cruelty. What you'd need is a stand up comedian who's skilled at dealing with hecklers to put the critics in their place if they went too far.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Winter is when...

I used to binge on soap operas. Then never watch them again. I did it with Dallas, East Enders, Brookside and probably some others, but my longest binge was Coronation Street. According to Wikipedia, Coronation Street was first broadcast on December 9th 1960, 5 days after my minus fourth birthday though strangely Wikipedia has failed to record this. I think it was during the 25th anniversary celebrations that I started watching it. Anyway it was in the Stan and Hilda Ogden/ Jack and Vera Duckworth/ Eddie Yates era. Eddie Yates was a fat binman (that's a garbage collector to those who spell colour without the 'u') who had no luck with the ladies until he met the love of his life on CB radio. He wasn't exactly Oscar Wilde, but one quote from him that has stuck in my mind is: "Spring is when the bins start to smell". It's starting to get cold in the evenings here in Tokyo on October 24th in the year of our lord 2012 and I'm noticing the signs of encroaching winter and remembering Eddie Yates. Winter is when you can forget to put the bins out on a Tuesday night (after 11pm so you don't get busted by the local housewife mafia for not getting up early on Wednesday morning to do it) and not have them crawling with flies by Saturday. Winter is when, if like me you have no heater in your shower room, you have to fill it with steam before getting in. Then sprint to the living room leaving wet footprints on the floor. Winter is when you regret not having had your sweaters dry cleaned after you stopped wearing them the previous spring. Winter is when thoughts turn to skiing. Winter is when guitar strings go out of tune on the tight side. Winter is when the local fast food outlets give you hot tea instead of cold water and the vending machines start dispensing cans of hot drinks again. Winter is when...