In the Spike
Jonze/Charlie Kaufman film ‘Being John Malkovich,’ Maxine says: “I think the
world is divided into those who go after what they want and then those who
don’t. The passionate ones….they may not get what they want, but at least they
remain vital, so when they lie on their death beds they have few regrets…and
the ones who don’t go after what they want, well who gives a shit about them
anyway.” That’s a brutal
assessment, but after many years of reflection, the truth in it to me is this.
We learn to associate getting what we want with the bratty child who wants a
new toy or to get their own way; or with the unscrupulous businessperson or
politician who will stop at nothing to achieve wealth or power. But if you look deeper, what you want
is at the core of who you are and is the source of your most intense
motivations and reserves of energy. When you are going after what you want you
will have more vigour and staying power and although it won’t necessarily be
the easy way it will feel good on balance because you will be being true to
yourself and, in the deepest sense of the phrase, you will be doing your best.
If you act from the core of who you are, you are going after what you want; and
people will care because they will see that who you are and what you do
matters. And that's the mark you will leave on the world and thus what will be left of you after you're gone: an epitaph worth carving in stone.
A better question is therefore: what do you want them to put on your gravestone? What I want on mine is something like: Rob Russell was a true friend who lived courageously and brought insight and stimulation wherever he went. I've still got some work to do to live up to that, but why leave writing your epitaph until it's too late to be of any use to you? What do you want on your gravestone?
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